Updated: Jun 27, 2021
“Simplify your life, learn to say no.”
- Unknown -
Have you ever found yourself in the position where someone asks you to do something and in your head you say “NO!” but out of your mouth you blurt “Ok, sure!” The ability to say NO, is a real skill. With so much going on in the world today, it is too easy to get pulled in every direction. Don’t you just want to get good at saying no so that you can effectively say YES to the things that really inspire you?
An important question to start with is why? Why is it so hard to say no? The word NO too often evokes negative emotion and the use of it can either make you feel rejected or the person you are saying it to feels rejected.
For whatever reason we give this tiny word too much power.
Saying no should be a normal thing to say and hearing no should be a normal thing to hear. We have to stop letting fear push us to do things we didn’t want to do, just because yes was easier to say. Think how this will affect you long term! I used to be just like this. A yes woman! Saying yes to everything. After a while you start to feel like a doormat for people to walk all over. That is not ok!
After doing my own journey I have put together a list of 3 important questions you should ask yourself, so that you can learn how to say NO with confidence:
1. Am I saying yes because I'm scared of the person’s reaction if I say no?
If the only reason you say yes is out of fear, then the motivation factor is out of balance from the start. People say yes to bosses and superiors just to prove they are capable and committed, but then they kill themselves trying to do the tasks they over committed to. After all no one wants to come across as unhelpful. However, by saying no you are actually demonstrating your wisdom in being able to assertively and confidently say no, knowing your own boundaries and limitations. I believe that these are great qualities to have! It is also not your responsibility how the person hearing the no reacts.
2. Am I saying yes because I’m just trying to seek approval?
You never need the approval of someone else, period. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re a bad person and in most cases it does not reflect on your character. Doing things for people to feel validated will lead you down an exhausting path that never ends. You must first know your own value so that you are not driven by seeking approval. Once you know your own value, saying no will be easy, simply because you don't care how the person reacts. But in saying this, there is a polite way to say no in a respectful and positive manner, but that is a blog for a different day!
3. Is it worth it?
Ask yourself, if you say yes, how will you feel at the end? Will it all be worth it? Often when we say yes when we really want to say no, we resent either the task we are doing or the person that asked us. Sometimes you can feel totally burned out at the end because you said yes to something you didn't have energy to do. We need to listen to ourselves and evaluate what the outcome will be. I found that when I say yes to things I am excited about, the excitement becomes my drive and energy, which means by the end I don't feel drained and resentful. Let your body and mind lead you rather than being led by fear or need for validation.
If you struggle with mind health, you don’t have to be alone with it. My company exists to help and coach women like you, through the hardships of life. I want to see you whole and living your potential. Check out my coaching options along with other helpful resources from here.